I'm sorry.

judging someone by first impression was wrong. i mean, yeah i don't like u, just because of ur first impression. i make myself so judgmental that in the end, i lose some important values in my life.

what had i learn in buddhism?

caring? forgiveness? or, understanding? empathizing?

yet, i learnt all those in theories, without practicing them in my daily lives. in fact, I'm living in the total opposite of the teaching.

generating hatred out of a baseless condition. my perceived image, my perception. all these while i refused to believe that i was so cynical. yeah, i must be the oh-mighty-jojo, i must be always right, and others are always wrong.

what's with the unknown source of hatred? where did annoyed feeling come from? i guess, it must be the foolish trick of my jealous inner self. yeah right, whatever. I hate replacement, I hate things changed yet i cnt do anything about it. I hate it when u standing in the place where i used to stand in. I was basically overwhelmed by the LOATHING thought.

yes, i was living beneath contempt. and i put all the blame on u.

sometimes, perception is such a magical, yet potentially harmful thought. it shuts all the voices from outside, and made us live in our peaceful little small world.

I am the one who is responsible for all these despicable and childish thoughts. no one to blame but myself. maybe she's right. my mentality changed, not u, not others. and while others can't adapt to my changes, they leave. simple maths eh? 1 + 1 = 2.

so, i decided to let go of my hatred, my terrible thoughts that trap me for so long. and i feel such a strong guilt now. urgh!

i know, time flies. things change. nobody stop for anyone. and everyone has their own stories at the back. while i cnt do anything about it, i shall stop whining and blaming others right?

forgive and forget. =)