I need an escape. Just so u know, it has been a long time since I blogged. Yeah,I found a job n worked for 3 months already. As pr in an exhibition organizing company,which I thought i would have lived it,but to my horror,I actually start to disguise it already. The big show is coming in less than 5 days,n I don't feel excited not anticipated about it. Probably I don't have the sense of belongingness. I don't treat it as "my show". Why? I always love organizing events,like what I did in my previous years. I just felt... I'm doing what I'm supposed to do,or ordered to do. Everyday in the morning I feel dreaded to go for work. I worked very long hours which I didn't want to bring it up. Worse,I don't feel accomplished at work,though I managed to call for some sponsors etc,someone still makes me think I have done done enough,and I don't feel appreciated at all. Began to disguise whatever shit that I'm working on it. This is fucking unhealthy man. I had nightmares for not being able to accomplish the tasks; I had constipation n missed periods. I don't even have the fucking time to go for gym or yoga or any sports I like! When I tried to share with u about it, u r giving me cold shoulder. Every time. I know u may have many things to worry about too,but giving me cold shoulder makes me feel as if all the feelings I had are worthless,not worth mentioning at all. U had no idea how upset that was, coz when u thought u may have a shoulder to lean on,where he just turn his back at u. So I learnt to keep everything inside, and keeping everything inside doesn't calm me down by a bit. It makes me so exhausted n lonely. Ah whatever it is. There I said it. My colleague said I looked so cheerful n bubbly when I first came in,but now I'm releasing the stressful aura. Really,I meant it.I don't know what makes me happy anymore. Things that used to cheer me up lose its spell. I need help. But who's listening? I need an escape. Really.